Bed Dread

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Every night it’s a battle to go to bed. I knew that sleeping would be uncomfortable late in the pregnancy but I wasn’t prepared for the amount of pain I experience this early (mostly from those softening pelvic muscles that hurt worse when I’m sitting or lying down). I dread going to sleep some nights because I know I will wake up multiple times in the middle of the night and need to turn over. Turning over takes forever because it hurts. Yes, it is painful to go from lying on my left side to lying on my right.



Movie and a Baby: Star Trek: Into Darkness

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Star Trek: Into Darkness is not at all about pregnancy or parenthood in the traditional sense but holy moly, watching this movie while dealing with pregnancy hormones made me feel all the feels. Two minor cries and one big ugly cry towards the end. Plus, I went to the morning show so someone had their baby with them (and took it out when it started fussing) but even seeing that baby made me feel more feels.

Frequently Asked Questions About My Pregnancy Part II

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Here I am in week 17. Some of the questions have changed. Some have stayed the same.

Do you get morning sickness? I feel nauseous every now and then but it’s mostly been on the decline in the past few weeks. It’s usually more of a first trimester thing, though during my last appointment, I overheard one of the nurses on the phone telling a patient that it’s not abnormal to experience sickness throughout the entire pregnancy and that she herself had to pull over to throw up when she was on the way to the hospital to deliver.

Do you know the gender yet? No, but my ultrasound is in just a couple of weeks!

Do you have any names picked out? Yes.

Are you showing yet? (From friends and family who live out of town) Yes, I am. This is not the first time my belly has been this size but this is the first time my belly has been this size and I haven’t been able to suck it in. It’s liberating to no longer care whether or not something I put on makes my tummy look big, though.

Do you get any weird cravings? Not yet. I pretty much wanted Taco Bell all of the time during my first trimester but I’ve been eating like a normal person lately. (Ok, maybe french fries and Japanese food was weird, but not weird weird.)

How do you feel? I feel great! All of those happy hormones have kicked in and my energy has returned – just like all of the sources said it would around now. This is mostly true. I get dizzy spells every once in a while and am usually ridiculously sore and tired when I get home from work/other adventures and still have to take at least one nap a day. I also still cry at the drop of a hat.

The Biggest Fear

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On Mother’s Day, PostSecret appropriately posted a number of mother related secrets. Here are my thoughts on one of them.


We all saw Pretty in Pink and we know the more extreme stories: mothers who abandon their families, mothers who leave crying babies on doorsteps, mothers who abuse their children. We don’t talk about the less extreme, the mothers who tough it out but don’t really like it.

For years, I’ve heard the whispers of these mothers on the internet. They quietly wonder why no one talks about the days when they wish someone would take their baby or child away. They reluctantly admit that they sometimes wonder what their lives would have been like if they had remained unencumbered and free. And how quickly they are condemned by those mothers who maybe didn’t want kids but whose entire lives were changed for the better once they did.

This is one of my fears: resenting my child. I don’t think I will suffer the way this mother suffers but I wonder what moments will arise, what moments of selfishness. How many times will I break down in tears because I won’t be able to get the baby to stop crying? How many nights out with my friends will I have to pass up? How many dreams will I have to finally pull the life support plug on?

The movie Riding in Cars with Boys is a movie based on the memoir of Beverly D’Onofrio, the story of how she went from being a teenage mother in the ’60s to a successful editor and writer. Watching the movie, which has quite a few major differences from the book, I always felt a kinship with the Beverly character as played by Drew Barrymore. She was headstrong, creative, ambitious, and selfish. The mistakes she made were mistakes that I could see myself making.

*SPOILER ALERT* Throughout the film, we see the negative impacts that Beverly’s ambition and selfishness have on her son’s life. At the climax of the film, he, now a young college aged-man says to his mother:

… it’s my fault. I’m what went wrong in your life. You know, you wrote a book about it.

A bit later, she responds with:

I want to make something clear. I don’t think I would’ve been better off without you. You are not what went wrong with anything. You were what saved me. I want to thank you for that. Okay?

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life that have torpedoed any dreams I once may have had of what my life would look like. Any problems and failures in my life are my own fault. I don’t want to treat my Pipsqueak as my saviour (I already have one of those) but I don’t want to make the same mistake Beverly did. I hope my self-awareness is enough to protect us both from that urge.

Keep Still

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I got a sonogram at 11 weeks. At first, the Pipsqueak was lying peacefully but then it started bouncing up and down. It was like watching a jumping bean (with legs, arms, and a head) in my tummy. I demanded that the child calm down when it got big enough for me to feel it.

Well, it didn’t listen. It’s difficult to not be one of those people who¬†incessantly¬†talks about her pregnancy when I am in the middle of a conversation and suddenly feel a living creature moving around in my insides. IT’S WEIRD!!

The Reluctant Mothers

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This is the happy ending we pray for.

Courtesy of PostSecret’s Mother’s Day postcards.

Pregnancy: it makes you want to eat gross things.

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Here are some disgusting things I’ve eaten in the last three days, in no particular order, that I haven’t eaten for years (or ever).

– $0.99 ramen and fried Spam

Read the rest from Jezebel commenter Raffey here.

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