Periods are a breeze compared to this

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“At least you don’t have to get your period!” I’ve heard at least a dozen times since getting pregnant.

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Nightmare Fuel

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I may have mentioned that one of the steps in preparing my sweetheart/brat of a cat for the impending arrival of his archnemesis has been the playing of the sounds that babies make to acclimate him to the noise. I have done this by basically looking for “crying baby” on YouTube and have sporadically played the same playlist for the past few months. As my due date gets closer, I decided that I needed to add to the playlist to make sure he truly, truly understands what a wailing baby sounds like. So I decided to search for “colic baby.” Big mistake. Below is an example of the sort of nightmare fuel that will be haunting me until The Pipsqueak is born. I think if my kid ever cries for 30 minutes straight, you would walk in to find both of us in hysterical tears.

Movie and a Baby: Away We Go

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I hope you paid attention to the first part of that clip because that is me. No, that isn’t me in the movie but that is me at least once a week explaining to someone that I still have 3 months to go before I have this baby. “You look like you’re ready to pop!” “You’re only 6 months?!” These are not things a woman wants to hear when she knows she still has a good 10+ pounds of baby weight to gain with most of it being in her belly. (That being said, the recommended weight gain during pregnancy is 25-35 lbs, as I am constantly being reminded by books, websites, random pieces of mail, etc. I have already gained over 40 lbs.)

BUT. About the movie. Away We Go is about a couple in their early thirties who are expecting their first child. With no jobs to tie them to their current home and with his parents about to move to Europe (hers have passed away), they go on a journey to look at different places where they might settle down to start their new family. The movie never really comfortably settles on a tone. It is a heartfelt-comedy. Most of the film is light-hearted but it’s difficult to laugh at the chuckle-worthy moments when they are punctuated by numerous serious issues such as parental abandonment, miscarriage, death, and the prevalent fear of loss and abandonment.

Despite all of that, the real star of the movie is Maggie Gyllenhaal who appears in just a few scenes as a beyond stereotypical Earth-mother caricature. There are no words for how ridiculously over-the-top her character is (she refuses to use strollers – “I love my children. Why would I want to push them away from me?!”, makes frequent judgemental remarks about any parenting decisions contrary to her own, has sex with her husband in front of her children, etc.). But Maggie plays the character straight, showing excellent comedic timing and bearing very little insult to those who do have an alternative view of parenting.

Pretending Like This Won’t be So Hard

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Stop Acting Like “Bouncing Back” From Labor is Even Possible from Jezebel.com:

But here in the U.S. of Cray, most of us don’t have the luxury of taking it easy for more than a few days after having a baby. If we do manage to pull off a few weeks or months of actual maternity leave, chances are, it won’t be used for relaxing. It will be used for immediately jumping into caring for your baby with zero help. So unless we can pay someone to hold our hand through it, it’s a race against time to magically become a totally self-sufficient supermom and return to our old selves again, pronto.

Here is the original article that inspired the Jezebel blog post: Why Are America’s Postpartum Practices So Rough on New Mothers? from the Daily Beast.

Finally!

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Week 28 is here. I have finally reached my third trimester. And thus will commence the longest 3 months of my life.

5 Things to Remember When Your Life Goes to Hell

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5 Things to Remember When Your Life Goes to Hell

It’s always kinda awkward when a comedy website drops some wisdom on me like it’s hot. I am blessed that I figured a lot of these things out when I got the electric shock that was the positive pregnancy test but this is advice that I need to remember on a day-to-day basis as I fumble through this life trying to figure sh*t out.

I wonder

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I admit, I wonder…

…Will I ever get a good night’s sleep again?

…If so, when will that night come?

…Will I be able to get back into shape? Not, will I get back to my pre-baby weight but will I get back to the days when I was physically fit?

…Will I ever be able to casually date or will any romantic pursuits be dogged by an expectation of marriage or be overburdened with the weight of my parenthood?

…Will I be able to get my career back on track or will I need to choose a new professional direction? Will the rest of my life be a financial struggle?

…Will I be able to go back to school and work and be an available, attentive mother?

…Will I be able to do the things I love, go to the places I want to go, see the things I want to see and still give her all of the things I want to give her? 

…Will I be able to refrain from blaming others for my own mistakes?