Halle Berry Gives Birth to a Boy

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So Halle Berry just had a child with husband Olivier Martinez and my first thought was, “Ooooo. What if Nia grows up and marries that boy (who I’m sure will be ridiculously attractive)?” What an awkward mom thought.

The article about the birth features pictures of Halle late in her pregnancy and of course she looked amazing. As an adult woman, I know better than to envy the beauty of someone like Halle Berry. But my brown eyes turned green with envy when I looked at her ankles and saw that they were not swollen. Seriously, how did she manage to even avoid swollen ankles??

Halle Berry gives birth to baby boy: Actress welcomes first child with husband Olivier Martinez

Soon my profile picture will be of my baby

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We Get Ot
Courtesy of PostSecret.

My Fetus is More Hardcore Than You Are

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From Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

Periods are a breeze compared to this

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“At least you don’t have to get your period!” I’ve heard at least a dozen times since getting pregnant.

lamebook

Finally!

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Week 28 is here. I have finally reached my third trimester. And thus will commence the longest 3 months of my life.

Hurry Up

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I am ready to get this baby out of my womb and into all of the cute clothes I have for her.

Happy Belated Father’s Day

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I am a father

Maternity Style (Non)Essentials

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Buzzfeed recently published a post entitled 20 Maternity Style Essentials For Hip Mommies-To-Be. My initial thought after reading the post? “NO.” The sartorial choices weren’t the absolute worst, but they weren’t good enough to overcome the major flaw of the list. While there were some general style ideas, the list was overall way to specific, recommending 20 very specific and over-priced articles of clothing. Anyone who could afford these “essentials” wouldn’t be taking fashion advice from a Buzzfeed article.

I was relieved when I got to the end of the article to find that the comments were full of people with a similar reaction. The list is worth reading just for the comments. Here’s one gem:

why the f*** do I need a $100 pair of ugly a** converse? B****, I need a baby crib. Not an expensive pair of shoes.

AND just one more:

This is genuinely the worst list of maternity clothes not generated by a hemp loving bed sharing sanctimommy. Congrats!

Super Duper Party Troopers and Ferrets on Steroids

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In a previous post, I mentioned my complete lack of humor during my first trimester. While mostly true, it’s not 100% true. There were two things that never failed to brighten my day:

  1. The Super Duper Party Troopers

    The first time I flipped to the station while this was playing, I began to think about how adults who perform for children can be really gung-ho about it…and while watching these guys sing and dance about ants in their pants I thought, “wow, these guys are really going for it and holding nothing back. Wait…is this real?” And then it turned out to be a PSA. But holy moly did that sung get stuck in my head. I looked it up on YouTube and would listen to it on loop. Unfortunately, I now kinda associate it with nausea because yay being nauseous all of the time…but it still brings a smile to my face to watch those dudes shimmy their shoulders.

  2. Man buys toy poodles, discovers they’re actually ferrets on steroids
    poodle-ferret-lg (1)
    Just read the story. Seriously. I can’t even say anything about it because I laugh too hard every time I just look at the photo that accompanies every article. But really…those poor ferrets.