Labor Day

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I am now 34 weeks. This means I have 3-8 weeks until the Pipsqueak finally makes her big debut. I am due November 1, but the consensus amongst strangers and friends alike is that I will probably pop a little early. It is no secret that I am beyond ready to be done with this pregnancy thing and it would make my life simpler if she did arrive early. Alas, I have no control over this and am operating under God’s (and the Pipsqueak’s) timing.

That being said, I am rushing to get the most important things taken care of. I need to pack my hospital bag, install my carseat, make sure someone has keys to my apartment, find someone to take care of my cat, get the diaper service lined up and ready to go, etc. And I’d like to meet the doctor who is delivering my baby as that is something that hasn’t happened yet (unless the OB who I have been seeing happens to be doing deliveries despite being nearly as pregnant as I am).

One of the best parts of being pregnant (that I will discuss a bit more in another post which I have been planning for a while but may or may not get around to writing) has been the countless stories I have heard from other people. Now I am seeking a very specific story: I would love to hear about people’s labor! Digging around my message boards and just talking to people about labor, I hear conflicting reports of, “Oh, you will definitely know!” to “I didn’t realize I was in labor until it was almost time for the baby to pop out!” It’s amusing and terrifying to say the least. Even just finding descriptions of contractions has been problematic as they are apparently different for everyone. I’m pretty sure I recognize my Braxton-Hicks contractions but I can’t be sure. So I’d love to hear from you. What was it like for you?

Periods are a breeze compared to this

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“At least you don’t have to get your period!” I’ve heard at least a dozen times since getting pregnant.

lamebook

Nightmare Fuel

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I may have mentioned that one of the steps in preparing my sweetheart/brat of a cat for the impending arrival of his archnemesis has been the playing of the sounds that babies make to acclimate him to the noise. I have done this by basically looking for “crying baby” on YouTube and have sporadically played the same playlist for the past few months. As my due date gets closer, I decided that I needed to add to the playlist to make sure he truly, truly understands what a wailing baby sounds like. So I decided to search for “colic baby.” Big mistake. Below is an example of the sort of nightmare fuel that will be haunting me until The Pipsqueak is born. I think if my kid ever cries for 30 minutes straight, you would walk in to find both of us in hysterical tears.

Movie and a Baby: Away We Go

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I hope you paid attention to the first part of that clip because that is me. No, that isn’t me in the movie but that is me at least once a week explaining to someone that I still have 3 months to go before I have this baby. “You look like you’re ready to pop!” “You’re only 6 months?!” These are not things a woman wants to hear when she knows she still has a good 10+ pounds of baby weight to gain with most of it being in her belly. (That being said, the recommended weight gain during pregnancy is 25-35 lbs, as I am constantly being reminded by books, websites, random pieces of mail, etc. I have already gained over 40 lbs.)

BUT. About the movie. Away We Go is about a couple in their early thirties who are expecting their first child. With no jobs to tie them to their current home and with his parents about to move to Europe (hers have passed away), they go on a journey to look at different places where they might settle down to start their new family. The movie never really comfortably settles on a tone. It is a heartfelt-comedy. Most of the film is light-hearted but it’s difficult to laugh at the chuckle-worthy moments when they are punctuated by numerous serious issues such as parental abandonment, miscarriage, death, and the prevalent fear of loss and abandonment.

Despite all of that, the real star of the movie is Maggie Gyllenhaal who appears in just a few scenes as a beyond stereotypical Earth-mother caricature. There are no words for how ridiculously over-the-top her character is (she refuses to use strollers – “I love my children. Why would I want to push them away from me?!”, makes frequent judgemental remarks about any parenting decisions contrary to her own, has sex with her husband in front of her children, etc.). But Maggie plays the character straight, showing excellent comedic timing and bearing very little insult to those who do have an alternative view of parenting.

Pretending Like This Won’t be So Hard

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Stop Acting Like “Bouncing Back” From Labor is Even Possible from Jezebel.com:

But here in the U.S. of Cray, most of us don’t have the luxury of taking it easy for more than a few days after having a baby. If we do manage to pull off a few weeks or months of actual maternity leave, chances are, it won’t be used for relaxing. It will be used for immediately jumping into caring for your baby with zero help. So unless we can pay someone to hold our hand through it, it’s a race against time to magically become a totally self-sufficient supermom and return to our old selves again, pronto.

Here is the original article that inspired the Jezebel blog post: Why Are America’s Postpartum Practices So Rough on New Mothers? from the Daily Beast.

Finally!

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Week 28 is here. I have finally reached my third trimester. And thus will commence the longest 3 months of my life.

5 Things to Remember When Your Life Goes to Hell

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5 Things to Remember When Your Life Goes to Hell

It’s always kinda awkward when a comedy website drops some wisdom on me like it’s hot. I am blessed that I figured a lot of these things out when I got the electric shock that was the positive pregnancy test but this is advice that I need to remember on a day-to-day basis as I fumble through this life trying to figure sh*t out.

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